Restless, Maybe Stray
by lanky.wolf
Summary: "There's a Harvey in my office." A year after leaving PSL, Harvey returns to deal with his decision's ramifications. Donna can't forgive him, but like a restless stray, Harvey keeps invading her space - smiling, hovering, and now, sleeping.


**I. THERE'S A HARVEY IN MY OFFICE**

* * *

 **Brief Set Up:** The beginning is inspired by events from season 5. PSL is led by Jessica, Harvey, and Louis. Mike's secret has never been revealed. Alternate POVs.

Romance / Friendship / Angst / Humor

* * *

 _There's a Harvey in my office._

 _Sleeping._ _On my couch._

Donna froze on the spot, at lost with what to do. For weeks, the man had been invading her space, catching her off guard at random times and unlikely places. This ' _sleeping'_ was, however, a first.

Other people adopted pet dogs. Named their cats. But no, she was Donna - a formidable force who everyone knew not to mess with. Her avant-garde guardian angels evidently thought she was too advanced for tame living things with cute whiskers and bushy tails. As a worthy challenge, they were giving her _Harvey_ _, the_ _suited scruffy stray_.

Against her better judgment, a small smile hovered over her lips at the notion. It seemed appropriate that this former friend should warrant a breed of his own. _Traits?_ Stubborn but loyal to a fault. He also wore the unfeeling mask like second skin, when in reality, he felt emotions more intensely than anyone else. When he was in the mood, he would award you with a heart-melting smile - one he also used to charm his way out of trouble. As man's best friend, Harvey would be the antithesis of Golden Retrievers. He didn't _retrieve._ His most defining quality was _leaving_. Leaving sentences unfinished. Leaving thoughts unspoken. And _leaving her -_ he was especially talented at that.

A year ago, when he'd left the firm - _left her_ , she'd cried. _Everyday_. For the world, Donna had put up a brave front with designer dresses, waterproof mascaras, and blazing lipsticks. She'd succeeded in fooling most of her colleagues, except for Rachel, who had cried with her. Healed her. And of course, Mike, who had also mourned for the loss of his brother-like friend and mentor. He'd helped Donna look for Harvey but after a few months, she'd accepted that he simply didn't want to be found. If he didn't want anything to do with her, she was going to treat herself better. She deserved more. Her friends deserved a happier Donna. Ever since, she'd not shed another tear for Harvey.

Life had carried on. She'd learned how to get by without the man who'd been a _constant_ for over a decade. She'd poured her energy into work and excelled in her career. Then, out of the blue, Harvey came back, and for the past twenty-seven days, the safe balance she'd created was constantly being put to test.

She didn't know what to make of Harvey's return. Others remarked on his physical changes - the scruffy visage, the broader shoulders, the firmer profile, the tanner skin. Even his hair was a lighter shade, as if sun bleached. He was less talkative, but when he opened his mouth, his wit was deadlier than before. He was a man who _looked_ different. Beyond the visible transformations, however, Donna couldn't shake off the feeling that Harvey was privately fighting darker demons. At times when he thought he was alone, he would have a far away look - tired and hollow. Amongst company, he wore an easy smile as an act to keep people at arm's length. Donna recognized the changes but didn't allow herself to ponder over it because Harvey was still the man who never cared enough. The man who deemed her as _forgettable_. _The man who broke her to pieces when he left._

She'd maintained a professional relationship with Harvey, fulfilling her role as COO. He'd tried to initiate conversations once or twice, but she'd given him the cut direct, letting him know she was not interested. He'd proceeded to try other tactics - not talking, but _sort of_ hovering. Smiling. Being helpful with small favors, such as opening doors, carrying her files, or bringing her coffee. Sometimes, he'd follow her like a shadow and then, disappear just as swiftly. Last week, she'd caught Harvey glaring at a client, the silent threat almost costing the firm significant billings. Afterwards, she'd had to drag Harvey aside.

' _Donna, his intentions are not pure_ _.'_

 _'Back off, Harvey. I can protect myself. I've been doing that just fine for the past year.'_

 _Without you_ _._

He'd deciphered what she'd left out, and the next day, he'd stopped hovering. So apart from their work connection, _they were nothing. Shared nothing_. That was _why_ _everything_ was wrong about finding the man asleep in her office.

She blinked, unable to decide whether to walk away or wake him up. With legs stretched out and arms folded across his chest, he looked so peaceful that the thought of disrupting his slumber made her feel guilty. She took in _Sleeping Harvey's_ high cheekbones, the strong jawline, and not to mention, the new addition of the stubble. The entire package made him more mysterious. More ruggedly handsome, even.

"Like what you see?" Harvey asked without opening his eyes.

"Damn you, Harvey. You scared the hell out of me."

Harvey chuckled as he rubbed his eyes and sat up. His suit was wrinkled, his hair sticking out at odd angles - the appearance a far cry from the impenetrable slick lawyer of the past. Since his return, he was more laid-back in the _fashion_ aspects _._ It did absolutely nothing to discount his good looks though, and Harvey knew it. He could still turn heads at the firm - women, men, and probably also the office plants, if they had eyes and moveable necks. Admittedly, Donna also liked this version of Harvey better. The casual look gave him a roguish air.

 _Crap!_ To find an excuse for her foolish thoughts, Donna's eyes flickered towards him. Yes, she would blame the 'roguish air' comment on his hair - the tenth strand from the right, sticking out at forty-seven degrees. _Seriously_ _, how could a stupid cowlick look so endearing on a grown man?_ Frustrated that her musings still revolved around _Cloud-of-Admire-Harvey_ , she quickly averted her gaze.

It wasn't quick enough because Donna could sense Harvey beaming at her with his gazillion-watt smile - one brighter than all the LED lights in the building combined.

 _Sigh_.

"I don't mind if you openly stare. I'll try not to blush too hard," Harvey teased. It sounded so much like the old him that she almost responded with her own comeback.

 _Almost_.

Giving her head a clearing shake, Donna sat down at her desk. Maybe if she ignored him long enough, he'd go away. Her ' _maybe_ ' was very, very wrong.

"Do you know, Donna, I think that's the most heartfelt sentence you've said to me since I came back. Non-work wise." She glowered. He laughed. "Although I was hoping for something friendlier than 'Damn you, Harvey'. Anyway, I'm glad we're making progress."

"My headache is making progress," Donna muttered under her breath. Undoubtedly, Harvey had heard it and decided to _help the progress along_. Instead of marching his butt out, he made himself _more_ comfortable on the couch.

Not only was he proving himself to be maddeningly unhelpful, his presence was completely distracting.

"When I ordered this couch, I wasn't aware that it came with _annoying Harvey._ "

"Buy a couch, get Harvey the-eye-candy for free? I should pitch that to a furniture company. It's an _attractive_ promotion, don't you think? Actually, never mind. I'm an exclusive item for a certain redhead."

She refused to fall prey to the verbal bait. Without taking her eyes away from the laptop, she mumbled, "What are you doing in my office?"

"I was napping before. Now, I'm sitting."

"Napping. Sitting. Both activities you can do somewhere else," Donna countered, still ignoring the gaze trained on her. "What's wrong with _your_ office?"

A heavy pause stretched on. It was so unnerving that Donna couldn't help but chance a look at him. She regretted it immediately, because this time, he'd traded his playful smirk for a sad smile. The kind so broken that she never wanted to see on anyone. Not even on Harvey.

"You're not there," he said quietly. Cryptic as ever, and with it, carrying so many possible meanings.

 _Classic Harvey. Dangling hope in front of her and then, following it up with the I-didn't-mean-that act._ The worst part of it was, she'd let him do it to her every time, even knowing she was setting herself up for disappointment. _Not anymore. She'd learned her lesson the hard way._

"Don't," Donna warned, willing her eyes to look away. Eyes that wouldn't obey. Eyes that began to burn with tears the dratted man didn't deserve and should never see.

He walked over to her desk. "Donna."

 _Another classic Harvey move_. He was _Donna-ing_ her again for the millionth time, trying to work his way back into her life. She bit the insides of her cheek, determined not to let her tears fall. Determined not to cave.

"You left, Harvey. You left...me."

She wanted him to justify himself, a part of her still believing that he had fair reasons for leaving. That he didn't mean to hurt her. His mouth worked but no sound came out. Eventually, he gave her two words.

"I did."

 _Two freakin' words. No explanation._

"You did it so well the last time, I would like a repeat performance. Leave, Harvey."

* * *

 **Flashback: 13 Months Ago - U.S. Attorney's Office**

 _Four interrogation rooms_. One for him. Three for his friends: Mike, Jessica, and Louis.

 _Eight hours_. They'd been brought down here for questioning. Locked within walls and pitted against each other, it would only take one of them to break to put an end to this.

 _Twenty-four hours_. Without concrete evidence, Gibbs would have no choice but to let them go. That meant sixteen more hours of staring the assistant U.S. attorney in the eye and silently wishing her to the depths of hell.

The reason for this mess? _Him_. They were all here because of him.

Harvey slammed his fist into the wall. Pain shot through his nerves, the rough surface drawing blood from his knuckles. His anxieties gave way to an intense burn, and he welcomed the feeling. With his mind bordering on madness in this confined space, the agony morbidly lent him some clarity.

Gibbs merely raised a brow at Harvey's violent outburst. "You might want to do something about that," she said, referring to his bleeding fist.

Harvey tugged off his tie and wrapped it around the wound. The throbbing was horrible, but having to talk to Gibbs was worse. He kept his mouth shut, setting his jaw.

"The silent treatment. How mature."

"I'm sure you've prepared a pretty little speech," Harvey drawled. "It's distasteful that I'm being held as captive audience."

"You hired a fraud. And then, you got your friends to cover for you. Without a license, Mike Ross has illegally touched over a hundred cases." She crossed her arms and smirked. "Being held as captive audience is the least of your worries, Harvey. I'll see to it that you'll _never_ practice again, and I'm going to shut Pearson Specter Litt down."

 _Shit_. Everything she said was true, and it made him sick to the stomach. Fortunately, years of courtroom experience saved him from revealing his dread.

"You have no proof. Just speculations, Gibbs."

"If that is how you want to play it."

Gibbs slid a tablet towards Harvey. When Mike's voice sounded from the device, he couldn't ignore it any longer.

 ** _*MIKE'S ROOM*_**

"Mr. Ross. Harvey Specter hired you, knowing you didn't have a degree or a license to practice. He was the experienced one, the employer who broke the law. Give us that admission, and we'll grant you service hours. No prison time," the opposing attorney offered.

"Right, and I was born yesterday," Mike countered.

The bravado was convincing enough, but having known him for years, Harvey picked up every tell - the rigid shoulders, the slight knot between his brows. Mike was beginning to lose his calm under the pressure.

"You can stall all you like, Mr. Ross. But when this goes to court, your life will be over."

"Thank you for the advice," Mike responded with feigned nonchalance. "If you don't mind, I would like to 'stall' in silence."

 ** _*LOUIS'S ROOM*_**

"Mr. Litt, we know it's not your fault that Harvey Specter hired a fraud. You were only trying to protect the firm by covering up the fact, is that right?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth," Louis said. Then randomly, he made a Litt-like remark. "Has anyone told you that you look like Snoopy? You have...a _quality_."

The young attorney looked flabbergasted at being compared to a fictional dog that liked to say 'Bleaaaaah'. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm giving you an out, Mr. Litt. A chance to keep the firm running. To keep your position as managing partner. I don't know why you're siding with Harvey Specter. The man has time and time again put you in difficult situations. This is typical Harvey, isn't it? He hired Mike Ross, a fake lawyer without anyone's knowledge, and now, you have to pay for his _moment of thrill_."

Louis snickered. "Do you hide in my office drawers? Sleep under my bed? The way you're playing back the details of my life, I'm almost convinced you know me better than me. I, hereby, retract my 'Snoopy' comment. Your appalling snoopy skill is a disgrace to Snoopy." He stood and pointed at the attorney. "You don't know a thing about Harvey, and whatever goes on between me and him, that's personal. So you leave Harvey alone. You leave Mike alone. And you leave Jessica alone."

"What about Esther, Mr. Litt? Did you know that her company is on the verge of bankruptcy?"

Taken by surprise, Louis dropped back into his seat. "What does my sister have to do with any of this?"

 ** _*JESSICA'S ROOM*_**

"Are you accepting the charges made against you?"

 _Silence_.

"Jessica, you're one of the most respected lawyers in New York City. We go way back, and I'd hate to see such a powerful legal mind gone from our circle. I'm trying to save you."

 _Silence_.

"You're seriously going to let Harvey Specter and mini-Specter burn _your_ firm to the ground? To see everything you've worked so hard for...just crumble overnight?"

 _Silence_.

Jessica stared the senior-level attorney in the eye. With a lop-sided grin, she told him three things. One - she wasn't going to say a word. Two - she wasn't rattled by him. And three - he was more than welcome to take himself off to hell. Preferably, right away.

But Harvey caught sight of her hand, balled into a fist and hidden under the table. She was upset, and he was the one responsible for her legacy being threatened.

She _was_ rattled.

 ** _*HARVEY'S ROOM*_**

Harvey stared into the far wall long after the footages were shown to him.

"Are you going to let your friends pay for your crime? I don't like you, Harvey, but I've always respected you. Do you know why?"

"I have a feeling you're going to enlighten me anyway," Harvey replied drily.

"Because you may be arrogant, but I also know you to be loyal. But at this very moment, seeing how you would rather save your own hide than rescue your friends, I find you…disappointing."

"It amazes me that you say _that_ like it's a surprise. After all, _disappointing_ you _however_ and _whenever_ I can has been one of my life goals. And please, stop flattering yourself. Your good opinion of me doesn't matter one bit."

"Maybe not." Gibbs shoved the tablet into Harvey's hands once more. "But maybe, _her_ opinion would matter."

His gut clenched, already guessing who Gibbs was referring to. There weren't only four interrogation rooms. The fifth one held the most powerful leverage they had against him.

Harvey swallowed when he saw a nervous Donna on screen. She was sitting alone in the small room, hands fidgeting and probably wondering what was going on.

 _Does she know? Is she afraid?_ As if he'd spoken his questions out loud, Gibbs answered them.

"She doesn't know what this is really about. But that can change in a bit. Would you like me to pay her a visit?"

 _Goddamn Gibbs and her mind games._ She knew Harvey would never concede.

As trained professionals, Mike and Louis were smart enough to wiggle their way out. Jessica's solid experience could get her out unscathed. But Donna wasn't a lawyer. She wouldn't stand a chance against Gibbs. She wasn't made to survive this kind of bait-and-hook pressure. The truth was, Harvey had no idea how Donna would react. Given how fiercely loyal she was to him, it was possible that Donna would take on the entire burden. She would shoulder the blame if she thought it would help him. If so, her life would be in ruins. He couldn't bear the idea of it. He was supposed to protect her.

Harvey recalled Louis's conversation with the opposing attorney. _Esther_. What did she have to do with this? Running every possibility through his mind, he suddenly understood. Gibbs sure as hell wanted to get rid of him, but she was also after a bigger fish. Harvey was a pawn in her game but a very valuable one. She went to great lengths to _summon_ everyone here just to get him to do something for her. He could work with this. Another chip to bet with. A leverage to get them out of this mess.

"This is obviously not just about me, Mike Ross, or the firm. What the hell do you want?"

Gibbs chuckled. "And he _finally_ catches on." She showed Harvey a piece of paper.

"Charles Fortsman?"

"Yes. He's been conducting shady business in various industries. Got eyes and ears everywhere - even as government officials who we suspect have infiltrated the U.S. attorney's office. Fortsman is also responsible for Esther's current financial crisis. I'm not at liberty to tell you all the details, but there's something we need from you. Information you have from your time at the DA and your dealings with him afterwards."

Harvey knew what she was after, but his poker face gave nothing away. "Funny. I recall not five minutes ago, you were preaching about loyalty and now, you want me to rat out secrets you seem to think I have about Fortsman?"

Gibbs shrugged. "It's up to you how things end for you and your friends. Prison sentences, firm shutdowns, lost careers or better alternatives. Give us something to work with, Harvey. We're willing to cut a deal with you."

"What's the catch?"

"You won't practice again. As for the others, it will depend on how much dirt on Fortsman we get from you."

"What makes you think I'll even consider it?"

"If you care enough, you'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe." She waved towards the screen, directing his attention to Donna.

 _If you care enough, you'll do whatever it takes to keep Donna safe._ Gibbs's unspoken words rang louder than the ones she'd uttered.

"So, Harvey, what's it going to be?"

 _'It'll kill them. I'm begging you. Don't tear us all to pieces. Don't destroy your family.'_ His mother had once begged him to keep her affair a secret. He'd ruined his parents marriage. He'd given Marcus a broken family. He'd been responsible, then.

 _'People who love other people don't put them in positions to break the law.'_ Harvey had thrown the words at Jim Paulsen years ago to protect Donna. God, he was such a hypocrite. Because from the day he hired Mike, he inevitably put everyone in a position to break the law. Every single minute of the day.

He wasn't going to be the one to tear everything apart again. This was a chance to keep his family together. _His current family - Mike, Louis, Jessica. His...Donna._

 _A redemption._ _Anything to keep them safe. Keep her safe._

Harvey smiled coldly. "Only if you let them go. On my terms. They don't hear about our deal, and you'll never bother them with this again."

 _-end of flashback-_

* * *

 _"You did it so well the last time, I would like a repeat performance. Leave, Harvey."_

She'd sliced him with a harsh order and yet, Harvey simply stood there with red-rimmed eyes. His expression was unguarded - so bare and hurt. Even after all the misery he'd put her through, Donna found herself wishing to comfort him.

"No. You don't get to do this to me again. Go, Harvey." She felt the armor she'd so graciously worn for months begin to crack. Swiveling her chair to the side, she hid her vulnerability and patiently counted on Harvey to do what he did best: _leaving_.

Donna heard movements and unexpectedly, warm hands covered her trembling ones. His grip was firm, palms rougher than she remembered them. With calluses grating her skin, they were not the smooth hands of the suave lawyer she once knew. Where had he been this past year? What had he been doing?

It was another detail about Harvey to add to the list of changes she'd been secretly collecting. A list she didn't quite dare to acknowledge.

Donna tried to withdraw her hands but his hold was unrelenting. Harvey knelt before her, and the sight broke her heart. He was a proud man. This was not him. This was not right. Even now, she cared for him. _How pathetic did that make her?_

"I'm sorry, Donna. I'm so sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry. I need you to leave me the hell alone." Her words were cutting, but her tone was unconvincingly weak.

Instead of leaving her _the hell alone_ , Harvey tugged Donna onto her feet. She blinked back tears, and when his face came into focus, she was startled by how haunted he looked. When he'd first returned to the firm, she'd seen through that sunny facade, but she had no idea how quietly damaged Harvey was...until now.

"I tried to stay away." His voice cracked, words spilling out like a gut-wrenching plea. Before she could react, he pulled her against him, the fierce hug knocking her breath away. "I tried to leave you alone. But I...I quite suck at it. As you know, I'm better at doing everything wrong." He ended it with a sad chuckle.

"Don't do this, Harvey."

"Please. I'm too tired to fight. Not today. You can fight me later. Just. Not. Today."

 _Just. Not. Today._ Donna didn't understand why. She only knew that this frail man was holding on to her as if she was a lifeline. A stark contrast to the usually confident Harvey Specter who could command courtrooms. Any room, in fact.

Echoing the words he'd uttered earlier, Donna finally gave in. She was also too tired to fight. In Harvey's arms, for the first time in a long while, Donna felt safe. And something else akin to peace. She missed him. She missed his embrace - which was ridiculous, because she could count the number of times they'd hugged. A particular incident stood out. That night, over a year ago. He'd wrapped her in his arms and walked out of her life the next day. The distant memory still crushed, threatening to shatter her entire being. Like a mantra, the event kept replaying itself. _He'd hurt her. He'd lied to her._

"I hate you," Donna said against his damp tie, a poor piece of silk she'd turned into a tear sponge.

"You're not alone on that. I hate _me_ too."

"And ' _this'_ doesn't mean anything."

"I know. We're only carrying out the festive ritual of _Hug-a-Harvey Day._ " Presumably realizing he was the one doing all the hugging, he amended, "I mean, it's _Let-a-Dumbass-Hug-You_ Day. You're doing humanity a good deed."

"Dumbass?"

"Me," Harvey answered. "There are two people in this room. I'm pretty sure between you and me, I'm more qualified to be the _dumbass_. On behalf of the dumbass community, we thank you for your kindness."

Donna giggled at that silly comment. When the foreign sound escaped her lips, she stilled. How long had it been since she laughed? _Genuinely_ laughed.

"And this doesn't mean I forgive you, Harvey. I don't know if I..."

 _...can ever forgive you_. There were so many questions, so many wounds to reopen that perhaps could never mend.

"I'll settle for you hating me a little less." Harvey tightened his embrace, and as soft breaths grazed her ear, Donna was almost certain she heard him whispering, " _For now_."

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Murky details? More to be revealed in the next few chapters - the deal with Gibbs and of course, the epic mystery behind Harvey rocking a stubble (important stuff, not really). Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated. (ps. I'm still working on Love in Disguise!)_

*Courtesy Matters: In a world where unicorns exist, I own Suits. In reality, I own a coffee mug, a scratched guitar, and an odd sense of humor. Such consolation.


End file.
